Tag Archives: happiness

Haterz.

Posted in Fitness, Motivation & Happiness by

By Eliza Shirazi

Have you ever seen those people who have their noses up in the air? Walk around like they not only run the treadmill, but the entire gym? Like they have not just two, but three weights up their ass? Yeah, I have too! It is particularly uncomfortable when you are at a new gym or class and you can feel the intimidation fume off of people. It may be a territorial thing for them or they could have their own insecurities. Either way, do not let people deter your goals or make you think you are not worthy of shakin’ your booty in Zumba, bending in half in yoga, or pumpin’ iron with the guys on the floor. You can do it all.

I used to feel this when I would lift weights at the UMass Rec Center and I refused to go with out my partner in crime, Rachel. I was always nervous, hesitant, and constantly thinking about what everyone else thought — Can that guy see me nipping? Shit, I think I’m doing this machine wrong. Wait, did that girl hear me fart? (No, but really.) And now I can’t help but think what a waste it was to be worrying about others when I came to the gym to work on myself. College gyms can be especially stressful due to the fact that everyone you go to school with has access to the gym, aka you just might run into that one nightstand or your dreaded enemy, but do not let this rattle you.

Now that the gym is packed because of New Years resolutions, which almost always consists of leading a healthier lifestyle, remember that in order to succeed you need to focus on you. So smile at that biddie giving you a dirty look, waive to the meathead who is laughing at you and close your eyes for a quick second to envision your goal which includes none of them and all of yourself.

The same goes for your eating habits. If you are a healthy eater you may get criticized in the college culture we are in. Do you get dirty looks when you pick up greens, tofu, or anything that may be remotely good for you? Well GOOD. Think of it as envy because it is not easy to do what you are doing. Treat your body with nutritious foods and offer it to the person who is shooting you the devil eyes… Chances are they need more of it than you do.

Eliza Rose here telling you to never look down on someone unless you’re helping them up… Or complimenting their cleavage.

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YOU CAN DO IT ALL!

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{Monday Motivator} Paleo in PDX

Posted in Monday Motivators, Motivation & Happiness, Simply Paleo by

By Emily McLaughlin

This week I asked Alisa from Paleo in PDX why she chose the Stone Age, caveman diet. Follow along and ready Alisa’s story to see if paleo would work for you.

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Why did you choose paleo?  

Eating paleo essentially started as a healing mechanism for me. I was having some digestive issues and encountering terrible symptoms on a daily basis for a long time. Things got better for a little while after I found out I was gluten sensitive and eliminated gluten from my diet, along with most dairy, but soon things came back with a vengeance. Finally, a year ago, I went to see a naturopath that specializes in gastrointestinal issues, and after a series of visits and some testing, we found out I had Small Intestine Bacterial Overgrowth (SIBO) along with leaky gut. Please know that at this time, I was a vegetarian (for nearly 10 years too and vegan for two of those years) and ate a lot of veggies, brown rice and beans, tempeh, fruit, oatmeal and nuts. I ate what I believed to be a healthful diet. Little did I know, my vegetarian diet was stoking the fire.

For my treatment, I had to take a few different antibiotics that target the gut bacteria specifically, and adhere to a version of the paleo diet for a minimum of one year. I was bummed at first about no more oatmeal, gluten-free cereals, brown rice and quinoa, but quickly adjusted and felt determined to heal my body. I remained vegetarian for the first month, but had a hard time getting enough protein, especially for how active I am. After much research and thought, I decided to add poultry back into my diet. Several months later, I added beef and other meat as well.

I only anticipated following this diet for the recommended one year, but came to enjoy it so much that I decided to continue, even though I could technically try eating non-paleo foods again. It’s done wonders for my health and it feels amazing to finally know what “normal” feels like.

What are your go-to foods? What do you try to avoid?

Some of my ‘yes’ foods include pasture-raised eggs, grass-fed meats, coconut butter, grass-fed butter, vegetables, winter squashes, coconut oil, full-fat coconut milk, avocado, 24-hour yogurt, etc. Some of my ‘no’ foods include grains, legumes, dairy (except butter/ghee or homemade 24-hour yogurt), vegetable oils, refined sugars, soy, processed foods, and various starchy veggies (sweet potatoes, yams, plantains, potatoes, turnips). Please know that the version of paleo I adhere to is a bit more specific, which is why I cannot eat certain starchy veggies.

Thank you for the amazing interview, Alisa! SHSH readers, be sure to follow Alisa’s paleo-related endeavors on Paleo in PDX and follow her on Twitter @PaleoinPDX and on Facebook. Stay tuned for more Monday Motivators!

The 12 lessons learned in 2012

Posted in Motivation & Happiness by

By Lauren Duffy

This whole year I’ve been waiting to write this post, so I guess now is a good time since the year is ending. Let me start off by saying, while this post will start off in a completely negative tone, it, like all things in life, will get better.

This past year was the hardest year of my life thus far. On January 29, 2012, I woke up on the floor of Cooley Dickinson Hospital in Northampton, MA with no recollection of how I got there. I remember looking down at my hands and seeing that I was covered in blood — my own blood. Pain was shooting from my nose to my chin and I ran into the bathroom to look at the damage. Tooth dangling, ripped up lip, cut nose, cracked bone under my nose, blood everywhere. I collapsed, sobbing and terrified on the dirty hospital floor as a few memories started to come back to me. step

I remembered my face hitting pavement. I remembered some doctor telling me not to lose consciousness. Then I remembered blackness… lots and lots of blackness.

I’m told that I fell on my face in a parking lot while walking back from a friends apartment. I wasn’t surprised.. my klutziness at its finest, I guess. And apparently the ambulance workers knocked me out with Morphine, hence the 9 hour memory loss.

In the week after this happened, I begun to hate who I was becoming. Before this happened, I never ever ever ever ever cried.. ever. I cried for deaths and I cried when I laughed and that was about it. But after this happened, I cried like a baby. I was so horrified and confused and so scarred from that experience that I just couldn’t help it. A lot of it was fueled by pain medicine, so the tears just didn’t stop. And, before this happened I used to be a rock. I was positive, I was happy and I was strong, but suddenly the opposite was true and I didn’t know how to handle it.

But at least it was all over right? Wrong. It was only beginning.

Things got awful. I felt so alone and so horrible about myself and felt like I couldn’t catch a break. By May I had had to pay $10,000 in medical bills because I had to have 9 surgeries, including two root canals. Yeah… that sucked. I finally ended up having to have my front teeth reconstructed with Veneers which were disgustingly expensive per tooth. The accident was on January 29th, and the medical problems didn’t end until April 29th when I had my last procedure. In other words, it was three months of pure hell. I wish I could say that the sucky stuff ended there, but it didn’t–  the whole year was hard. But I can honestly say that I don’t regret it– I learned so much this year that the pain and hardship was worth it in a sense.

I wanted to share the biggest life lessons that I learned this year with all of you in hopes that if you’re ever faced with a rough time or maybe even a tough year like me, you might have a fighting chance of handling it well… or at least a better one than I did. ;)

So here they are: the 12 lessons learned in 2012…

Lesson One: It has to get worse before it will get better.

It sucks but it’s totally true. Think about it: they say that bad things come in threes, right? Therefore, it gets worse then it gets better. Things-will-get-better-2Right after I got hurt I was convinced that the rough times would end that day. In fact, I thought I would go have surgery and then go to work right after. Hah.. yeah that didn’t happen. Even after I was released from the hospital, my injuries got worse and worse and I needed more and more surgeries over the next few weeks costing me thousands and thousands of dollars. There came a point when I felt like I couldn’t pick myself up and motivate myself to do anything anymore. How many times could I get knocked down before things got better? So just remember, things will get better, but don’t be surprised if life knocks you down a few times first.

Lesson Two: Learn how to take care of yourself. 

Before the accident, I was strong as a rock and I would often use that strength to help my friends and family through their problems. But when I needed help and when I needed to heal myself and give myself a pep talk, I couldn’t do it. I was always so concerned with solving everyone else’s problems that I had no idea how to solve my own problems. So, before you put your energy and effort into others, try to take some time to take care of yourself.. without being selfish, of course. Focus on you from time to time, it’ll only make things easier if you understand yourself.

Lesson Three: Don’t be afraid to ask for help. 

After I got hurt I was so drugged up for a few weeks for pain and I was told that I couldn’t eat solids for almost two months. Lack of food plus drugs? I was in struggle city. I finally had to go pick up paperwork and test results from the hospital, and I was freaking out over my inability to drive there to pick them up since I wasn’t allowed to operate heavy machinery in my condition. Emily and Ryo offered to drive me and I, feeling horrible about burdening them, reluctantly accepted their favor. After I thanked them profusely and apologized a million times for the hassle, and after I probably drove them up a wall, Emily finally said something along the lines of “Stop apologizing! It’s okay to ask for help!” And she was right. As independent as you may be, you can’t always do things alone. Sometimes you need help, and that’s totally ok! Don’t be afraid to ask, because a true friend or a family member will be glad to help and won’t see it as a burden. Don’t try to take on the world by yourself, you’re only human.

Lesson Four: Surround yourself with things that will keep your spirits up.

When you’re down, the worst thing you can do is throw a pity party for yourself. Instead, do things that make you smile. Over the Summer, I was so incredibly poor from all the bills I had to pay and there was a week there where I was feeling like I just couldn’t catch a break. So, I went to the beach in Narragansett, RI with my amazing friend, Jamie, who is more like family. We laughed, chatted and walked the shoreline of the beautiful beach and had a truly beautiful day. It was gorgeous, and I was so incredibly happy to be with her. There’s something rejuvenating about the ocean, and that day was exactly what I needed. So, if you’re down in the dumps and feeling defeated, go somewhere or be with someone that will help you hold your head up.

Lesson Five: Live to be remembered with a smile.

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Always smile.

In early June, someone very special to me passed away. His name was Daniel, or as I knew him, Danny, and he died far too young. His loss was tough and not a day goes by that I don’t think of him. But one thing that I love about remembering him is that when I think of him, I think of him smiling– he was always smiling. How amazing is that? He lived so that I can only picture him happy. That’s how I want to live.

Lesson Six: Home is truly where the heart is.

I used to be at a place in my life where going home from school was out of the question. It wasn’t because I didn’t like going home, it was because I liked feeling independent and feeling like I ran my own show. But in March, I hit a breaking point and was ready to completely give up, so I just went home for a weekend to clear my head and step away from schoolwork, bills, work, and every stress inducer that was bugging me. It was so amazing to be home and amongst my family. I think I had lost sight of just how special it can be to be home. Home heals, and it is truly where the heart is.

Lesson Seven: Laughing is powerful medicine.

A few months ago I ended up having to have a procedure done because I had a bad cancer scare. This messed with my mind more than I can describe. “Really? Another procedure? Haven’t I gone through enough?!” I felt like every time I got comfortable and happy with my life I was pushed right off my high horse. But when I went home for my procedure, I was looking at a few pictures from my high school freshman yearbook and I noticed a hilarious typo. When I showed it to a few of my high school friends, my friend Meghan laughed like I’ve never seen a human being laugh before. It started off kind of in a mocking, slow and strange way, and soon turned into a loud hysterical laugh with tears streaming down her face. Soon enough all of my friends in the room were dying laughing, myself included. It’s unreal how powerful and pleasantly contagious laughing can be, so laugh.. and laugh often.

Lesson Eight: Do what you love to heal.

I use exercise to relieve stress. There is nothing better than being stressed out, putting on your favorite gym clothes, putting on your favorite song, and sweating your stresses away at the gym. Part of my problem when I first got hurt was that I was not allowed to work out by order of the doctors. But I couldn’t sit still, so I exercised anyway and just did the exercises at half speed. I wasn’t allowed to jump, so I bounced. I couldn’t do intense cardio, so I did yoga. I was sure to be careful and I tried not to overdo it. It may not have been the best idea, but frankly I would have lost it if I had to sit still for weeks. So while I’m not encouraging you to do anything dangerous, I am encouraging you to do what you love, no matter what. Especially when it comes to de-stressing, mentally healing, or being happy… just do what you love, always.

Doing what I love :)

Doing what I love :)

Lesson Nine: The only opinion of yourself that matters is yours.

I spent way too much time this year worried about what other people thought of me: I messed up my face, I was worried people would think I was ugly. I wasn’t allowed to work out fully, I thought people would think I was lazy. I had panicked when I thought I had cancer, I was afraid people would think I was being dramatic. Life kept knocking me down and I was upset, I thought people would think I was a huge complainer. I didn’t want to ask for help because I didn’t want to be seen as a burden. I realize now… Who cares? I wish I could have seen that. So don’t do what I did– just worry about your own opinion of yourself and forget the rest. You’ll only drive yourself crazy worrying about something you cannot control.

Lesson Ten: Breathe and smile.

This year I had my feelings smushed by a guy for the first time. I normally don’t let myself get caught up on guy trouble, but I think I was feeling too weak and vulnerable to ignore it. How did I get over it? I breathed and I smiled. I had FaceTime dates with an amazing friend who made me smile, I watched Ellen Degeneres clips on YouTube that made me smile, and I did things that I love which made me smile. And if that wasn’t enough, I closed my eyes and I breathed. Deep, calming breaths. I did this any time I was feeling upset or overwhelmed, for any reason, and it always worked. If you trust the breath and mean the smile, they will calm and they will heal.

Lesson Eleven: Be you.

Realize your own awesomeness. Understand how amazing you are. You are unique and you are important. I don’t think I was trying to be someone else this year, but I certainly wasn’t being true to myself. I hate that… I really do. Be true to yourself, be happy with who you are, and embrace your greatness. Be you, because you are awesome.

Lesson Twelve: It will always, always get better.

Sometimes times suck. Sometimes the world will kick you when you’re down. Sometimes you’ll feel like the universe is laughing at your inability to pick yourself up. But you know what? It gets better. We all have bad times, sometimes they’ll last for years, sometimes only hours, but it always passes. Things will always get better, even when it feels like they won’t, you just have to trust that tough times will pass, and they will. Positivity is everything.

I’ve learned so much about how I want to live my life, how to be myself, and how to be happy this year and I have no regrets. I may have had to endure some rough times to learn these lessons, but I’m happy I learned them. In the grand scheme of things, everything that I went through could have been a million times worse, and I was pretty lucky overall.. I just couldn’t see that.

So if you’ve had a tough year, a tough month, a tough week or day, just remember that it will all get better. Embrace the new year. 2013 is going to be great… So get excited!

If life knocks you down or you fall on your face (figuratively or literally), simply pick yourself up, dust yourself off, stand up tall, and keep that chin up. You are strong and you are awesome! Love yourself!

Have a healthy and happy new year and get excited for all that 2013 has in store!

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Happy New Year (Oh, and happy birthday to a special someone)

Posted in Motivation & Happiness by

By Emily McLaughlin

I just wanted to pop in and share a few things…

1. Tomorrow is the last day of the year which means Tuesday is the first day of a new one. Use it as an excuse to start fresh: 2013 Resolutions, goals and aspirations

2. Even though it’s easy to get caught up in the who “resolutions” thing, don’t get too carried away. Make changes that will last a lifetime: New Year’s Resolutions: A thing of the past

3. My roommates and I hosted a Sexy (Ugly) Sweater Soiree last night (more picture to come):

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My brother and I.

4. I would like to wish Ryo a very happy birthday today! My life wouldn’t be nearly as fabulous without you in it. Thanks for being amazing. :)

Went to the Rockettes.

“A broken body isn’t a broken person”: Janine Shepherd’s amazing story

Posted in Motivation & Happiness by

By Emily McLaughlin

A lot of us, whether athletes or not, find ourselves plagued with hardships and injuries. Sometimes these roadblocks keep us from accomplishing our goals, but we can’t let that discourage us. We have to reevaluate our goals and make new ones. The human body is incredible and if we don’t let our hardships crush our spirits… the possibilities are endless.

Cross-country skier Janine Shepherd became a partial paraplegic when she was hit by a car during an Olympic training bike ride. Doctors didn’t expect her to recover, but “she not only learned to walk again — she learned to fly.”

Put your injuries and hardships in perspective and be thankful for good health. Your body is incredible and with a little encouragement, hard work and high spirits, you can get anywhere.

Scary Doctor Phone Calls… Should You Panic?!

Posted in Health & Beauty, Motivation & Happiness by

By Lauren Duffy

Around three weeks ago, I got a voicemail from a nurse from one of my doctor’s offices that told me to call the office back to discuss something urgent. Scared but calm, I called the office back immediately.

The nurse began the conversation by saying “I don’t want you to panic too much.. yet.. but…” that’s when I started panicking. She continued with a bunch of big words and medical stuff that I didn’t really understand, but what I did understand was “you have an early stage of cancer.”

I was shaking, but I kept my cool and stayed calm on the phone. But on the inside: “Um… what? Wait… WHAAAAT?!? Am I going to die?! I’m too young to die! How did this happen? What the heck is going on?!” My mind was racing and I was assuming the worst, and I think the nurse could tell. She kept saying that she knew it was scary and that she knew that I must be overwhelmed. (Uh.. yeah… DUH!) Her calm but somber tone was the most alarming part.. I felt like she was telling me that I had six months to live.

I set an appointment at the hospital for a procedure to be done almost two weeks after I got the phone call. The nurse warned me that “this will be incredibly painful and we cannot put you out or give you any kind of numbing.” (Oh.. grrrrreat!) If she thought she was being comforting by giving me the heads up, she could not have been more wrong.

So those two weeks leading up to the procedure were naturally the most stressful weeks I had experienced in a long time. My parents and friends kept reminding me that staying positive and refraining from panicking was key, but the word “cancer” was too scary to ignore. I tossed and turned each night, I distracted myself with schoolwork and random tasks, and I tried to remember a friend’s words: “early is good.” Nothing worked. Internally, I was freaking out. 

On the day of the procedure I was a complete mess. I was shaking and sweating like crazy, and all I could think of was the pain that was ahead of me. The procedure lasted about a half an hour and it was simply awful. It hurt more than I was prepared for and the doctor was incredibly rude. Not fun. But it was over.. it was all over. I just had to wait anxiously for the results. But when the pain was over, I could finally breathe again, and that felt good. Thank goodness.

Five days later I got the results. I’m not in the clear, but I only need to be checked on every six months– no treatment necessary, and no need to freak out. But the most important thing is… I do not have cancer! YAY! I feel awesome! No more procedures and no more nightmares! I was dancing around the room when I was on the phone with the nurse again, then she said the words “We were never really that concerned, so this is what we expected… We knew it wasn’t cancer”  and I almost dropped the phone.

Hold up wait one second stop in the name of love shut the front door ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?! They knew it wasn’t cancer? They knew everything was fine? They made me feel like I was dying! I was literally sick over it all from a loss of sleep and my stomach pains from stress!!! I tortured myself for two weeks and they KNEW it was fine?! Well. This, I have a problem with.

Why in the world was that necessary? What was the point of making me freak out for two weeks? Doctors believe that the more they make something sound urgent, the more serious patients will take it. And honestly, that’s very true. No one is going to ignore something that the doctor makes sound horrible, but is it really worth the stress?

Doctors also feel the need to make things sound exponentially worse because if it is bad, then they are covered because they gave you fair warning and you’re not surprised by the results. They’re protecting themselves from getting sued by angry patients with serious illnesses. It makes sense for liability reasons, but the stress it causes is out of control!

Being stressed about a procedure and its results (or any kind of stress) can cause you to have stomach issues, anxiety, sleep loss, and ultimately sickness. So you can get sick from a doctor telling you that you may be sick, but then you find out from results that you’re not sick, but you got sick anyway over the idea that you may be sick. Think about it…

It’s incredibly annoying, but the doctors have to do it. Ultimately, I’m glad I underwent this nonsense so that I could know the extent of what was going on, but I just wish they did not have to cause me so much anxiety. They did what they had to do, and I have to accept that. But on a positive note, I think I learned how to deal with this kind of situation…

If you ever face this kind of scare, the only advice that I can give you is… don’t panic. I know, I’m totally contradicting myself because clearly I could not stay calm, but seriously, don’t panic. Here’s why:

    • More often than not, a doctor will not tell you any serious news over the phone. They’d much rather sit down with you and explain things. So if they call you and tell you everything over the phone, don’t panic.
    • Any medical expert will tell you that the earlier something is caught, the easier it is to treat. Like my friend said, “early is good.” So if the doctor uses the word “early”, don’t panic.
    • If a doctor calls you and says that they want to schedule an appointment to investigate something further because it’s a serious matter that they are very concerned about, they will schedule you for an appointment immediately. If they give you a week or more before they schedule anything, don’t panic.
    • Doctors nowadays need to investigate everything just in case. They may overdo it sometimes, but it’s for your own health and safety. Today there are more precautionary tests done than serious diagnoses. So keep this in mind, and don’t panic.

If you’re anything like me and you think you’ll panic anyway, just ask your doctor “how concerned about this should I be?” and they should tell you like it is. Or, if a nurse calls you, it’s completely acceptable to ask the office to have your doctor call you so they can explain it a little more. Finally, if you’re going to Google whatever your doctor told you you may or may not be diagnosed with, please use reliable sources. Some websites will make you think you’re going to die a slow and painful death. Obviously, this is far from helpful.

Again, if your doctor calls, it’s okay to be scared, but please don’t panic. Panicking was the worst thing I could have done. I was sick to my stomach and shaken beyond belief. I wish I could have realized this before I stressed myself out so much. In order to maintain your happy and healthy lifestyle, the best thing you can do for yourself in this kind of a stressful situation is remain calm and don’t let it get to you too much. This goes for anything in life: the more relaxed you are, the easier something will be.

Stay healthy, stay happy, stay calm.

Learning to Love Myself: My Weight Loss Journey

Posted in Motivation & Happiness by

By Lauren Duffy

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” – Buddha

After contributing this blog since just after Emily started it, I’ve mentioned in a few of my articles that I used to be quite heavy before I lost a good amount of weight due to changing some of my bad habits and ultimately changing my entire lifestyle. I’ve always wanted to share my whole story with all of you, but I never really knew where to begin it. In fact, I’ve been staring at this computer screen for over an hour trying to find a good place to start. I guess I’ll be cliche about this and start right at the beginning; right when the problems began. I hope that as you read this you’ll perhaps be inspired to change your life, or maybe you’ll be thankful for the life you have; but ultimately I hope that if you have a body image issue, you’ll finish reading this knowing that you’re not now nor have you ever been alone in the battle for accepting yourself for who you are.

Let me begin by clarifying what this story is about… No, let me explain what this story is not about: This is not a story about a girl who was terribly obese then suddenly lost all of her excess weight and lived happily ever after. I was never obese and I never will be; but undeniably, I used to have a weight problem. I needed to lose weight for health reasons and personal sanity reasons, and I did so after a long battle with self-image issues, ridicule, and health struggles. It’s a long story, but it’s time to share it. So here goes nothing…

It all began when I was in the first grade. I remember how old I was because I’ve moved a bunch of times in my life and I can remember my age and what grade I was in by recalling what town I lived in at that time. I remember looking down at my toes during recess at Framingham Elementary School in Framingham, Massachusetts and asking my friend why I couldn’t see my knees without leaning forward a little bit while she could see her knees by just looking down. (My tummy was in the way when I looked down). She looked back at me and said “My mommy says you’re fat, so maybe that’s why?”

There it was: the first time I was referred to as “fat”. I was always a chubby kid, and I knew that height-wise that I was bigger than most kids my age, but I had never been referred to as “fat”. But all it took was one person to put the idea that I was a fat kid in my head for me to believe it. From then on, I considered myself a fat, gross and ugly child. Then the bullying began.

I was teased and ridiculed by cruel kids my age all throughout my elementary and middle school years. I moved from Framingham in the second grade to Walpole, Massachusetts, partially to escape bullies. I forgave and forgot most of the kids that called me names to tease me for my looks, but the worst insults are still burned in my brain:

Third grade: My class was watching the teacher do a science experiment as we crowded around a small table. I had a spot right in the front and I was watching the teacher in awe. Then from the back of the crowd, one of the kids in my class yelled “Lauren Duffy can you move?! You’re like huge and no one can see around you!” My class laughed hysterically, and I cried in the bathroom for an hour.

Fourth grade: I was playing basketball by myself at the school playground that was across the street from my house. Some of the kids in the neighborhood would stand behind the fence and make fun of me, but I tried to tune them out. Then they started singing: “U-G-L-Y you ain’t got no alibi you ugly! Yeah, yeah you ugly! AND FAT!”

Fourth Grade

Seventh grade: Girls in my class were coming up with a dance in my homeroom before the bell, and I asked if I could join. They didn’t want to let me, but the teacher told them they had to. Then a kid said “But she’s wayyyy too fat to be a dancer!” The kids laughed, the teacher yelled, and I wanted to crawl in a hole and die.

Why are kids so mean? If you’ve ever been bullied you understand how heartbreaking it can be to have someone your own age tell you that you’re not as good as the rest. You’re fat. You’re ugly. You’re not worth it. Soon enough, you believe it; you believe it whether or not it’s true… and I believed every word they said. I truly hated myself. I used to stare at myself in the mirror as a I tried to suck in my stomach and I just loathed what I was staring at. Sometimes as I would stare at myself while I brushed my teeth I would start crying because of my looks and how heavy I was. I hid my pain from my parents because I knew they couldn’t bare to see me so hurt, but the pain was there and damn it was strong.

But the problem wasn’t baby fat and the problem wasn’t my height. The problem was that I was heavier because I ate.. and ate.. and ate.. then ate some more. I just didn’t know any better. I remember in middle school I would come home from school and literally eat until dinner was ready, then eat dinner and dessert and a bedtime snack.. or two. I was a master at hiding food from my parents because they, like any parent, would have freaked out if they saw how much I was consuming. But for some reason I just couldn’t help myself; I would eat when I was bored, sad or stressed. The irony of it all was that I would eat so much because I was unhappy with myself, and I was unhappy with myself because I ate so much. When I finally realized that working out was the secret to losing weight, I would eat a ton, do 50 crunches, then eat even more because I thought those crunches negated what I had previously eaten. In my tween mind it all made sense, but clearly that was not how weight loss worked.

Finally in the seventh grade my mom and I moved to Wrentham, Massachusetts to fulfill my mother’s dream of living on a lake. I decided at that point in my life that I was going to change. That Summer I was driven by crazy determination to lose weight so that I would not enter a new school as “the fat new girl”. I ate tons of fruit, counted calories, swam, ran, and ultimately trimmed down significantly. I entered my new school in the eighth grade with my head held high and feeling proud of how much I had accomplished. For once, I really liked the way that I looked and I was comfortable with myself. That’s when the problems began all over again…

Seventh Grade

Eighth Grade

Once you lose weight, it’s easy to get too comfortable with your new appearance and to stop putting in the effort to continue healthy habits. Also, when you get complimented for that lost weight you tend to believe that you don’t “need” to continue being healthy because you look good. That’s exactly what happened to me. Suddenly cheating on my diet or skipping a workout day didn’t seem like so much of a sin because I had lost the drive to continue. Before I knew it, I put the weight that I had lost right back on… and then some.

Through elementary school and middle school I played basketball on my town’s teams, so at least I was somewhat active. But my in my freshman year of high school I quit basketball and stopped any and all activity in my life except for tap dancing. I gained a bundle of weight that year because of this. While my freshman year was pretty bad for me, sophomore year was the absolute worst; I gained so much weight. Luckily, my high school didn’t have the bullies like the ones I faced in elementary and middle school, and I had (and still have) an amazing group of friends that accepted me for who I was and not how I looked. But those bullies from years past had completely convinced me that I was worthless when I was heavy, so I felt absolutely horrible about myself when I ballooned. I was back to avoiding mirrors, wearing huge tee shirts and sweatshirts as much as possible to hide myself, and snacking constantly.

Freshman Year (High School)

I was a huge theater dork in high school, and during my sophomore year I was in a production of Anything Goes. As the costume director was preparing my outfits for the show, he asked for my weight. I told him that I weighed 150lbs because I was unsure of my actual weight due to my avoidance of scales and I thought that 150 was a good ballpark guess. He said to his assistant “Uh.. I’m not sure if that’s right… put her down for a buck seventy five”. Meaning, he thought I weighed 175lbs. I was absolutely humiliated by this. I couldn’t weigh that much!!!! Could I?!? Out of horror that someone could actually think that I looked like I weighed that much, I went home and jumped on the scale to prove him wrong. I was right, he was wrong… I did not weigh 175lbs. I weighed over 200lbs. This was reality check number one.

Sophomore Year (High School)

That was it! I was done! No more fat. No more hating myself. Over 200?!? What?!?! No. No. No. No. No. NO. NO. NO! That was the final straw. I was going to make a change and I was going to love myself. I began running again, doing insane amounts of crunches, and counting calories in a desperate attempt to never feel fat again. In my junior year of high school, I had made a decent change in my look and in my life. I was a little trimmer and a little more toned, but nowhere near where I needed to be. I tried a weird thing called Zumba a few times because my friend Leslie told me she was obsessed with it and I figured I would give it a shot. I felt a little out of place because I was the youngest one in the class, but I had fun nonetheless.

Junior Year (High School)

 

So I continued to work and fight for a new life through my senior year in hopes of achieving my goal and finding happiness with myself. It was a painfully slow process, but I was determined. When senior prom came along, I went shopping with my best friend Liz for a dress and to my surprise I found that the only dresses that would fit were sizes 14-16. What? After all this time and effort I am stillthis big? This was reality check number two. It was on that shopping trip that I realized that I clearly could not achieve my goal on my own. I needed someone or something to help me…

Senior Year (High School)

That Summer I got a personal trainer to help me slim down for college. His name was Carmine and he was absolutely amazing. I learned how to eat right, I learned how to lift, I learned how to execute a proper exercise, and I felt so good about myself and the changes I was making. Two other women who worked at the gym I was training at, Melissa and Jamie, also inspired me immensely. I realized that I wanted to be just like them: fit and happy. So I took my personal training seriously, I ran on days that I didn’t train, and I did that Zumba thing all the time. “That Zumba thing” turned into the best part of my week; I felt like I could do anything after leaving a class. One of my family friends owned a gym, so I signed up to get my Zumba Instructor certification that coming fall in hopes of teaching when I was home for the summer and winter. Loving to work out was a weird and new feeling but it was an amazing concept that I wanted to stick with.

During that summer and when I finally went off college I actually felt pretty good about how I was looking and more importantly how I was feeling. It felt good to feel good… if that makes sense? But when I got to college and began my freshman year at the University of Massachusetts Amherst, I stopped working out so much and eating healthy because I suddenly didn’t have my Zumba and personal trainer, and the Dining Commons were irresistible. As soon as I noticed a little weight gain, I realized that I couldn’t let what happened in eighth grade happen again, so I tried to pick running and eating healthy back up. Then about a month later, a girl in my dorm building told me that the UMass Campus Recreation Center offered Zumba classes and I’m pretty sure I jumped for joy. After that revelation, I took Zumba with Emily three times a week and got my certification in November. I felt damn good.

Freshman Year (College)

That Winter break, I taught some Zumba classes back home and continued to push myself to eat right and keep exercising. I noticed that for the first time, I was excited to dress up for the holidays because I felt so good about how I looked. It was amazing!! When school resumed I took a Hip Hop class with an instructor named Tracy at the Recreation Center and I spoke to her after the class about how I loved her class and how it inspired me to continue teaching. She told me that UMass Campus Recreation was actually looking to hire another Zumba instructor, so I immediately got in contact with the Fitness/Wellness Director and set up an audition with her.

One week later I went in to the audition as an absolute nervous wreck. Teaching my favorite class ever at my favorite school ever? It seemed like a dream and I was so nervous to lose it. I barely told anyone that I was auditioning just in case it didn’t go well. I wanted it more than anything in the world, so when I heard the words “you’re hired” I almost collapsed. I kept my cool in front of my new boss, but afterwards I jumped up and down screaming with two of my best friends. AHHHHH!!!!! Best day ever? Yes.

One week after that, I started teaching at the Recreation Center and my life was changed forever. I love my job. I absolutely love my job. I began teaching four times a week on top of taking Emily’s class two times a week and I watched myself shrink. My new boss at the Rec Center (who is still my boss) became one of the biggest inspirations in my life and kept me wanting to fight for happiness and healthiness. So many good things were happening to me and I felt absolutely amazing. On top of that, I had made an incredible and supportive group of friends in college. I remember putting on my favorite pair of jeans from high school and swimming in them because they were huge on me and my new body. That was awesome. But it’s not about looking good, it’s about feeling good; and fit feels good. It feels good to run up a the stairs without getting winded, it feels good to eat healthy foods, and it feels good to know that you’re going to live a long and happy life.

Sophomore Year (College)

I continued to teach through that summer, my sophomore year of college, this past summer, and now I’m still teaching in my junior year here at UMass… and I’ve loved every single moment of it. On top of learning to love to sweat and exercise, I’ve also learned to absolutely love the art of healthy eating. It’s not just a quick diet or exercise plan, it’s a new lifestyle that I intend to keep until the day I die. Because I am human, I have hit a few rough spots and frustrating weight plateaus in this new lifestyle, and I still have moments where I am not happy with the image that I see in the mirror, but I just try to remember how I could look and the progress and accomplishments that I have made. I am not perfect and I’m not trying to be, but life is perfect when we are happy.. so, be happy.

Summer 2012

I still have a long way to go to reach my ultimate appearance goal, but I have reached my personal goal with flying colors. I know that I’m not worthless, I know that I am not hideous, and I am proud of who I am. But most importantly, I am happy… I am so happy. Happiness was always the ultimate goal. I may not have realized that happiness was the main objective at the time, but in retrospect my happiness always was more important than my weight. I found through this journey that weight is a number; it’s just a stupid number. A number cannot define who you are, it can only frustrate the living hell out of you. What has mattered this whole time is how I personally felt. I was unhappy, so I needed to change… and I did! It took years, but I did it; that’s something that no bully or number can take away from me.

The moral of my story is not “if you’re fat, lose weight- you’ll feel better”. The moral is: fight for happiness. Whether you want to lose weight or you want to achieve any life goal, just get out there and do it! Don’t let anyone or anything stop you. The fight may not be easy, but it will be worth it, just like you’re worth it. No matter what you’re told, you matter in this world and you are beautiful. In retrospect, I really never was fat. Was I bigger? Yes. Could I have afforded to lose a few pounds? Yes. I’m taller so when I gain weight it has a lot of places to go; I was just much more full-figured or chubby, but never “fat” or obese. I hate that I listened to those bullies when I was little, and I despise that I believed them for so long when they told me I was fat because no matter how much I weighed throughout this journey, I was always beautiful, and I wish I could have seen that. This is starting to get corny, isn’t it? Yeah… well.. it’s all true.

Once you learn how you can achieve your goal in a happy and healthy manner, fight for it. Fight for your health, fight for your happiness, fight to love yourself, and fight for your life. You can do it. After all, “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

Nostril nonsense: A yoga breathing technique

Posted in Fitness, Motivation & Happiness by

By Emily McLaughlin

This one time… I had a crazy, hilarious yoga instructor who talked nonsense about nostrils–nonsense that actually ended up making total sense in the end.

This morning, by some miracle, I dragged myself out of bed and made it to an 8AM yoga class. 8AM is typically not that impressive, but on your one day to sleep in… it’s quite a feat.

New lululemon tank — $16 with my discount! Unheard of! Ignore the cone-head dog in the corner.

I grabbed my yoga mat, put on my new lululemon shirt and snagged a granola bar for a quick sugar/carb boost on-the-go (necessary to get my hypoglycemic body movin’ in the mornin’). When I got to the studio 5 minutes before 8AM, it was already packed with a bunch of chatty-Cathy’s. People who work out in the AM at the SSYMCA are definitely all morning people–but I didn’t find it annoying, I found it energizing.

Speaking of energizing… did you know that your right nostril is the energetic nostril? Haha, weird segue, huh? Today we started our yoga class with a breathing technique I had never practiced before. I had tried the “breath of fire” and blocking my nose to focus on one nostril at a time, but this was a little different. To start, we inhaled through the right nostril while blocking the left, then exhaled through our left while blocking the right. Next we inhaled through the left while blocking the right, then exhaled through the right while blocking the left. As for hand placement, our (righthand) peace fingers were between our eyebrows, and our thumb and ring fingers did all the work.

As we continued this pattern, our instructor explained that this breathing technique helps center you, bringing both sides body in sync with each other. She elaborated, telling us that our right nostril is our energetic nostril while our left nostril is calming and cooling. Then I noticed… I could inhale with more energy through by right nostril in comparison to my left. This has always been the case with my body and I finally had some explanation as to why.

My instructor advised us, in moment of stress, to breathe solely through our left nostril to calm the body. She also said that when we are feeling sluggish or as if we need a jolt of energy, breathing through the right nostril might help. Worth a try, right?

Happy breathing. <3 … “Nostril” is a funny word.

200: The heart sees deeper than the eye.

Posted in Motivation & Happiness by

By Emily McLaughlin

I have learned a lot in my time at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. I have learned trivial facts, problem solving skills and improved my writing abilities. I have also learned how to sustain friendships, how to network effectively and how to communicate with all kinds of people. The most important thing I have learned, however, came in the last few months of college. I began to ponder, “What am I doing? Where am I going? Where do I really want to be?” And… this may seem outrageous, but it really clicked when I opened my Yogi Tea on a rainy Thursday afternoon. It read, “The heart sees deeper than the eye.”

Every romantic comedy, love story and sappy song tells us to follow our hearts and to not let the eye deceive us. As I enter this new post-grad chapter of my life, I have made a promise to myself: From here on, I promise to follow my heart over all else. If you are not invested in something–whether it be your academic major, your job, a relationship or, to relate it to health, a new diet plan–then stop. To be committed to something or someone, you need to not only see into the immediate future, but be able to invest yourself whole-heartedly in that thing or person.

We spend a lot of time observing other people and what makes them happy. As a result, we fail to realize what makes us happy. We forget to put ourselves first and do the things that make us smile. With the stress of graduating and finding a job, I got caught up in unhealthy routines and forgot to do the things I love. For example, I love blogging, discovering music and taking photos. I also love to cook new things, I love to exercise for me and not just for my job and I love being spontaneous. I love spending time with friends, I love laughing and I love meeting new people.

It is only fitting that my 200th post be reflective and optimistic. Looking back on my four years at UMass Amherst, I have had some amazingly unforgettable moments. Freshmen year was one full of exploration and making friends. Sophomore year is when I fell in love with my job and teaching fitness classes. Junior year is when I learned to live on my own outside the comforts of a dorm. And… Senior year… Senior year has certainly been the most amazing year of my life to date. Through trial and error, I have learned to live with intention, choose with no regret and to do what I love.

I know that for me, and my peers, life post-grad has a lot to offer. Sure we might have to leave the people that have become family and the place that has become home, but we are on to bigger things–better things. We are entering the ‘real’ world to fix it, change it, and to make it ours. My advice to everyone is to remember to follow your heart and to do what you love.

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There is a reason that they call it commencement. It is the end of one chapter, but the beginning of a more amazing one. “Live as if this is all there is,” but don’t forget who you are and don’t forget to do what you love.